I probably shouldn’t be awake right now, cause it’s wayyy past my bedtime, and getting up for class in the morning is going to suck, but I can’t sleep. And writing is a little less self destructive than sitting in my bed and crying. My ex husband is on his way back from Afghanistan. Granted, I’m glad he survived, but that brings up a whole lot of emotions I was much happier being able to suppress. Most days, I don’t miss him. But I do miss being married. I miss having someone’s face light up when I walk through the room. I miss being missed. I miss knowing that at the end of the day, there’s someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. I didn’t get the newlywed stage of my marriage, and that sucks. I’m so used to guys wanting one thing from me that I don’t know if I’ll ever find love again. Sad for a twenty one year old to feel that way. My dating life may be suffering, but at least my grades aren’t. I’ve got A’s in almost all of my classes. Mainly because I have the time to devote to them. Pathetic, I guess. But my mom and everyone else was right. Gotta be able to depend on myself, because I can’t depend on a man. :l